Kidnapped by HGTV (plus some Big News)

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Allow me to explain my six month absence: I discovered HGTV, and I’ve been staring slack-jawed at the television enveloped in a fog of wonderment ever since. Seriously. I have an HGTV problem. Do you know what I did on Earth Day? I watched a Love It or List It marathon. That’s effed up.

At first I was all moony-eyed. I couldn’t believe what I’d been missing. But I think my HGTV honeymoon is finally over. I’m still hooked, but now I find myself screaming at the screen. Seriously, if one more house hunter complains that a bedroom is “too blue,” I will flip my shit. YOU CAN PAINT!! Every realtor tells you this. I’m telling you this!!! But I shouldn’t have to because it’s self evident. Why are you so annoying and stupid??!! Also, as long as I’m ranting, why do the Property Brothers begin every renovation by tearing down all the walls? Walls are 1. important for holding up the roof and 2. really great for differentiating the living room from the dining room from the kitchen from the bathroom. That’s right.  We’re a hair’s breadth away from someone requesting an open concept bathroom, because they “want better sight lines.” And the Property Brothers would totally do it. You know they would.

Anyway, there’s another reason I’ve been so silent: We are leaving Brooklyn at the end of November and moving to Madison, Wisconsin. And 1,000% of my attention has been focused on finding a house. It’s the only thing I think or talk about. Obsession doesn’t even begin to describe what I have going on. I’ve been picking out curtain fabric and rugs for rooms we haven’t even seen. I’ve been reconfiguring kitchens I’ve never set foot in — not dreamily reconfiguring them in my mind, reconfiguring them in Photoshop. It’s unhealthy, not to mention awfully annoying. God only knows how Soren has managed to stand me. Even I’ve lost patience with myself.

Yes, the smart thing would be to rent first and house hunt later. But I DON’T WANT TO (stomps foot)! I’ve been renting for the past 17 years. I’m done sharing. (That said, if we don’t find something we love, we’ll rent. I’m not a monster.)

Why Madison? We both went to college there. It’s closer to family. We can afford to buy a house with a yard where we can garden. It’s small enough to be manageable, but large enough to have culture and good food. And I have friends there.

Brooklyn has many wonderful qualities, of course. But the city makes me angry. The naughty upstairs children that race their tiny jackhammer feet across our ceiling make me angry. The cars that speed down our street make me angry. Navigating packed sidewalks makes me angry. Clearly I’m not built for the city.

I like refinishing furniture and growing my own food and canning. I like camping and seeing stars. I like having an upstairs. I like biking and walking, but I also like the convenience of being able to drive to the store and buy a piece of plywood. Yes, you can do many of these things in Brooklyn. But we don’t.

So this move, it’s a good thing. A really good thing. I just need to have a little bit of patience.

2 Comments

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2 responses to “Kidnapped by HGTV (plus some Big News)

  1. Tom

    See you soon I suppose!

  2. Dad

    you do seem a bit obsessed sometimes. I rode across the Isthmus on Sunday and looked across at the capital thinking, I miss the Plains – No wait – I mean “this is a GREAT city to live in.”

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