No Excuse (Ok, One Excuse)

I’m not sure what happened to the past two months, but I suspect it was this:

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That’s right. We got a puppy. We’re idiots. Puppies are needy and messy and not at all potty trained. But OH MY GOD, they’re also ridiculously cute.  Just look! Continue reading

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The Nook

Today I want to take you into the guest room, which also serves as my office. Or more accurately, my office, which also serves as the guest room. It’s the largest of the three bedrooms and the previous owners used it as their master bedroom. But we don’t really need that much space to sleep, and the room is weird. It’s shaped like an “L,” but the real strangeness is due to the closets. There are three, two of which are on one wall. Let me show you what I mean.

closetcomparison

On the right, you can see a normal closet. On the left, you can see what amounts to a ridiculous hole in the wall. I’ve taken the liberty of pointing out everything I hate about this weird configuration in the photo above. Continue reading

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Living and Dining

Patience is a virtue, but not a virtue I possess. I understand that I should take my time decorating the new house. In an ideal world, I would work with the junk I already own and then spend the next decade accumulating one-of-a-kind pieces at thrift stores and garage sales — a distressed leather chair in the perfect shade of camel! an art deco brass floor lamp! And then, voila!, my house would be fit for a Design Sponge tour in 2024. But that’s not how I roll.

In other words, I had to buy some shit. I couldn’t not. And while our living/dining area is far from done, I no longer want to cry every time I look at it. For instance, I had to buy a rug. The one we had in Brooklyn looked so tiny and pathetic and wan in our spacious new living room. See?

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It was terrible!

Here’s the new one.

Living room - urban cholita Continue reading

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Homeowners

Much has happened in my absence. We packed up a truck, left Brooklyn, and moved to Wisconsin — a place with far less swearing and far more beer and cheese. But that’s not the most exciting part. We also bought a house! What WHAT?!

Here she is:

New House

Or at least that’s what she looked like when we first saw her in September. Back then the grass was green and the shrubbery was flowering. Continue reading

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Brooklyn Apartment Tour (Part 2)

Welcome back to the tour of our Brooklyn apartment. If you missed Part 1, or want to see the floorplan again, you can find it here. Today we’re taking a look at the back of the house: the bedroom, bathroom, and office.

BEDROOM

The bedroom used to be chainsmoker yellow like the kitchen. But thanks to Apartment Therapy, it’s now sort of purply-gray.DSC_0075 Continue reading

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Brooklyn Apartment Tour (Part 1)

In just a few short days we’ll be moving from Brooklyn, NY, to Madison, WI. I won’t miss the upstairs children with their banshee shrieks and elephant stomping (so long suckers!), but I will miss our lovely apartment.

What’s that? You’ve never SEEN our apartment? I’ve never offered you a tour! What a terrible hostess I am.

Let’s start with the floor plan, shall we? (Soren is really good at drawing floor plans.)

FloorPlan Continue reading

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Kidnapped by HGTV (plus some Big News)

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Allow me to explain my six month absence: I discovered HGTV, and I’ve been staring slack-jawed at the television enveloped in a fog of wonderment ever since. Seriously. I have an HGTV problem. Do you know what I did on Earth Day? I watched a Love It or List It marathon. That’s effed up.

At first I was all moony-eyed. I couldn’t believe what I’d been missing. But I think my HGTV honeymoon is finally over. I’m still hooked, but now I find myself screaming at the screen. Seriously, if one more house hunter complains that a bedroom is “too blue,” I will flip my shit. YOU CAN PAINT!! Every realtor tells you this. I’m telling you this!!! But I shouldn’t have to because it’s self evident. Why are you so annoying and stupid??!! Also, as long as I’m ranting, why do the Property Brothers begin every renovation by tearing down all the walls? Walls are 1. important for holding up the roof and 2. really great for differentiating the living room from the dining room from the kitchen from the bathroom. That’s right.  We’re a hair’s breadth away from someone requesting an open concept bathroom, because they “want better sight lines.” And the Property Brothers would totally do it. You know they would. Continue reading

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